From the Severed Unicorn Head Superstore Mailbox:
Hello Severed Unicorn Head Superstore,
I am a young professional woman in a big city. There are numerous bars
here. Lots of temptation. So, I was drunk. It was last Friday. After
work. And I was drinking with some friends. One of them told me about
your store. Then, several hours later, he suggested that we get
tattoos. We did. Mine looks OK. His got infected. Here's the photo of
mine. I'll try to get you a photo of his.
So, I wanted to know if maybe I could get something free, seeing as how I have a severed unicorn head on my shoulder and it will most like be on me forever. It's also worth mentioning that I have lots of lovers, most of whom will see this and ask about it. So it's good advertising.
The Severed Unicorn Head Superstore responds:
Thank you for defiling your body. If you'd done it on your face, you'd get a t-shirt. That's going to be our new policy from now on. Facial tattoo of a severed unicorn head gets you a free t-shirt (limit one per customer). The same goes for branding. If you get the outline of a severed unicorn head branded onto your face, you get a free t-shirt. Just send a high-res picture and a sworn, notarized affidavit. As it's on your back, we'll give you a 2% discount. The same goes for anyone else. We'll even make it easy for you. Here's a link to a PDF of officially sanctioned tattoo designs, complete with color specs. If you get one put on yourself, anywhere, and send us documentation, we'll post your photo online, and give you 2% off your order ... And here's a tip: Dirty needles give the best results.